Smiling Piet

WHOOOOOOOOSHHHHHHH……….. There goes December – Xmas, New Year, and January too. Just like that!

I know it’s still January because the roads are full of joggers every morning, all of them kitted out in their shiny new Nike spandex, evidently bought from Knob Stores. By next week most of the lumo musty smelling spandex will be packed away with winter jerseys, never to see the light of day again, because for next year’s resolutions they’ll all dash out to buy the latest trendy running kit.

Oh and I need to get something off my chest here, like a tight top straining at the buttons…… if you are not a perfect size 10 or smaller, or you are not Mikhail Baryshnikov, you cannot wear tights of any kind. No ladies, not spandex, nor the ever popular black tights worn by every skank(1) too lazy to put on a real pair of pants. If it’s tight enough for people to see whether your bellybutton is an outie or an innie, or you look like you’re hosting a Camel-toe Convention, or if it looks like it’s holding in the extra new limbs you are growing from your own for the poor people of Chernobyl, for fucks’ sakes put it down and walk away briskly.

And back to Xmas. It was heerlik! Our kids Snaphappy – she takes amazing photographs….. and Russian Gerbil – his cousin says he sounds like a Russian and Sir says he speaks gerbilese – ergo……Russian Gerbil were there, as well as my friend Sniffing Wetfart, and Sir’s mom, sister and her husband and their daughter. My son was far away in Cape Town spending local currency….. yes Cape Town, there is legal tender that isn’t grey-green and sporting a pic of George Washington, and yes my son, the pink note with the picture of the lion on buys you two Chappies and a small packet of Niknaks. It’s December in Cape Town after all.

Oh and we had Piet. Not as in “We had Piet over for lunch” but rather “We had Piet for lunch”. Spread the word. Any livestock that smiles at us will get the Hansel und Gretel oven treatment.

Here’s Piet grinning at me:

Here’s Piet getting foils: (before his day really went for a ball of shit)….

And on that note, I shall continue this post as a pictorial of the day……..

I wrote our menu out on the blackboard in the kitchen so I could plan ahead and stay on top of what needed to be prepared in advance, what last minute shopping had to be done etc. Sir clarified a few things, like the fact that Piet was in fact dead, fuck dat for the duck fat roasted potatoes, Sesame Street carrots, Sir Lion…… I had to erase the more horrifying graphics added by Sir because I’m quite sure his mother is still very capable of giving him a hiding…

And we ate and drank and had a merry wee wank Xmas………..

These are long Ciabatta loaves, and the ‘cremini’ we refer to is a cheese byproduct we order direct from the manufacturers – it is divine and we use it in anything from these breads to pasta sauces, meat sauces and so on. These breads went under a hot grill until the buffalo mozzarella melted and the cremino was brown and bubbling….. it was gobbled up so fast Snaphappy couldn’t even get a pic of the cooked breads in time. She was too busy licking her own damn fingers and catching dripping cheese on her plate! Snaphappy – you nearly got fired. And in a Piet kinda way…….

This jug of jooooce for the table always goes down really well! Some lemon quarters, fresh berries, pomegranate, loads of ice, and just keep topping it up with Sprite or Sprite and Water, or just sparkling mineral water. It’s delicious and refreshing.

Fork Santa?

Jaaaaaaaaaaaa Piet. Not grinning so widely now eh? The caramelised baby onions on the platter look like Piet shat himself.

Not much on this plate….. somebody obviously knew there was a shitload of dessert……… The meat looks kinda like a penis no? My mind in the gutter again?

This is an ice bowl which the lemon sorbet was served in…..

This one was not on the blackboard. It’s a pineapple, coconut, cherry and almond Xmas cake, and it was awesome. Will definitely make it again!

Cupcakes bitches! This is what Snaphappy and I did two days before Xmas. No obscene cupcakes were manufactured. That is just so wrong.

Making the 3-tone chocolate ‘baskets’ to serve this dessert in was a traumatising exercise. I started out on half inflated balloons, drizzling melted tempered chocolate over the ball-shaped tops….. and a few minutes later they started popping……. Chocolate everywhere. The ceiling, the floor, the cupboards……… But I would not be beaten. I started again……… I used balloons again. They popped again. I cried. Sir shook his head a lot. He thought better of laughing when he came into the kitchen to find me on my hands and knees washing up chocolate with boiling hot water.

So with a couple of days to go, I made solid ice bowls, and created my chocolate bowls over those instead. The worst they could do was melt.

The triple-layered frozen mousse / parfait was so good, I will definitely make it again, and I am going to post the recipe on my blog too. Everybody should try it! The bottom layer is dark chocolate, the middle layer was milk chocolate with crushed chocolate hazelnut biscotti and the top layer white chocolate with crushed Crunchie.

And there you have it. A really long post, and I did hardly any writing. I feel like a cheat. I am in future going to post my favourite recipes on my blog as well. I started photographing everything we ate last year, hoping to compile all our favourites into our own ‘recipe book’ printing and binding copies for the kids who often phone to ask how to make this or that….. but never thaaaaat… and sometimes this…. Snaphappy suggested that I just post the recipes here on my blog, full of inappropriate innuendos and half a litre of sarcasm in every recipe, instead of waiting a whole year to print copies for friends and family. Great thinking Batman!

 

  1. I only used the word ‘skank’ because I didn’t feel like thinking of something better. I was going to write “Ho” but I call my best friend “Ho Ho Ho”. You can substitute with “doos” or whatever fits better, unlike the tights.