Too much wine, too much hair and a wheel of cheese

On Saturday morning more than a dozen family members boarded a flight to Thailand, where Sir’s nephew will be getting married next week. Sadly, Sir and I are kinda Thai’d up with the businesses which we cannot just abandon for a waltz in Phuket. Thankfully the whole family arrived safely in Thailand and the pilots had no desire to participate in any hide and seek contests.

The night before, we went to dinner with my stepdaughter Snaphappy and her boyfriend One-Bean (because he’ll put a single bean on his plate to give the impression that he eats veggies). We had such a great evening I woke up the next morning with three new laughlines, a headache and stiff stomach muscles from laughing way too hard and way too much the night before.

There was live entertainment (as opposed to what? Dead entertainment?) at the restaurant and the group of crooners was actually very good. During a sublime rendition of Frank and Nancy Sinatra’s ‘Something Stupid’ a magician from the Congo appeared at our table. I’m sure he didn’t just appear straight from the Congo at that second like magic, but I’d already had two glasses of wine by then and believed anything was possible. My one glass of any alcohol probably equals any normal person’s one bottle, so I was as giggly as I was chatty.

How cool is this magician? (Lighting did not lend itself to great or even average photos I’m afraid!)

I loved his tricks making things disappear because I could shout ‘It’s in your hair it’s in your hair!!! Which of course it never was. I wondered if the missing front tooth was the result of a magic trick that didn’t work out quite right. I suspect the tooth is somewhere in his hair. I wonder if he needs a pillow when he sleeps. Sir was blown away when Hairman did some trick where his phone ended up inside a balloon…. Squeezing big things through small tight holes will always hold a piel appeal I suppose.

During the magic time, an apparition with some serious fuckoff hair walked past and I thought Motley Crüe was arriving to take over the entertainment. I wouldn’t blame the wine entirely – check it out –

Hey! The 80s called and they want their hair back!!

I am Cher she had just been out of the dating / socialising / blow drying game since the mid eighties. Hopefully someone gently lets her know that teasing is out, and no means no. Nowadays I suppose playing hard-to-get is no fun because the guys are not as pushy and determined as they were a couple of decades ago (I say a couple because I was definitely still a virgin until the late eighties so wouldn’t really know). So if you’re into a guy and hoping to bump uglies with him, Sir would say “Just COMMIT to the moment (doesn’t’ matter that he says this to me when I contemplate risky manoeuvres on the road – same principle), Dab your ankles behind your ears and go for it!”. OR you could do as Caron (Will & Grace) would say – “Point your heels to Jesus and think of handbags!”.

Anyway, Snaphappy and I ended the evening with a shot of tequila to test her breathing method to prevent the post-shot-shudder some of us get from a hit of strong alcohol. I laughed so hard my lungs even left me temporarily, in disgust.

When we got home later I had a mammoth air-boxing psychowave battle with something flying around which I could not pinpoint properly. When I realised it was a microscopic little moth a Chuck Norrisesque battle ensued to cause the little fucker’s demise. Sir did a brief interview, shoving a remote at me for comment. I was so caught up in the moment I wanted to flick my nose with my thumb and spit a big shiny gwelly right there on the floor.

And on that texture and colour, it’s on to this week’s recipe.


Boozy Camembert in Phyllo

Ingredients: (Serves 4)

2 Camembert Wheels, quartered. (It’s actually halved, but then some morons will cut it in half like you would do for layer cakes, and I just don’t feel like explaining that you’d end up with big flat thin discs of cheese……… so. BUT if you get it, then totally, cut in half. In fact, do that, otherwise it complicates the rest of the recipe)

40ml Port OR Sherry OR Balsamic Vinegar

40ml Olive Oil (hope you don’t get suckered into buying the shit that is cut with motor oil and paraffin)

1 Tin of Cranberry Sauce (Total waste because you are only going to use 4 tablespoons of it, but if you’re up to it you can totally leave some ideas for the leftover cranberry sauce in the comments section)

Freshly ground black pepper

Phyllo pastry – 12 squares approximately 18 x 18cm.

Melted butter. A lot is always good. And I mean BUTTER. Not that anaemic shit for lowering cholesterol and running on the beach with a healthy heart.

I’ll make up for the lack of good pics by just dumping a LOT of pics…………


Preheat oven to 180⁰C.

Start with a sheet of phyllo, brush generously with melted butter, layer with a second and third phyllo sheet, brushing each with melted butter.

Please a camembert half in the centre, and stab the top of the cheese like a crazed lunatic. No don’t. Be gentle, just make a few delicate little incisions. Drizzle 10ml of the port or sherry or balsamic over the cheese followed by 10ml of olive oil.

Season with freshly ground black pepper, and top with a modest tablespoon of cranberry sauce.

Bring the corners of the phyllo pastry together and twist it into a little parcel around the cheese. Brush generously with more melted butter and place on a baking tray.

Bake in a preheated oven at 180⁰C for 20 minutes or until the pastry is golden brown.

(If the camembert is very ripe and runny, put it in the freezer for 20 minutes before starting assembly).

Serve immediately.



The Baron Recommends:

The boozy camembert is a bit of a conundrum, but I would say that a light fruity red or even an off-dry white should accompany the balsamic vinegar option, and that some of the same port or sherry used in the other versions should find its way into the crystal…

(Lots of crystal here -) And is that MY martini glass full of flowers?

(PS – I have finally updated my “About” page)

And finally finally – anyone know what HTML code I can use to just permanently change the font and font size for my blog? Right now, at the beginning of each paragraph I am using <span style="font-family:Arial; font-size:14px;">


9 thoughts on “Too much wine, too much hair and a wheel of cheese

    • I don’t care for magic but had a great time!

      If you love camembert, a really quick and amazing starter – cut the rind off the top of the disc of camembert. Massage it with the exposed side up into a ramekin, drizzle with balsamic or port or sherry, olive oil and instead of cranberry sauce just put a tiny sprig of rosemary on top.

      Place it under a hot grill until it’s melted and bubbling, and serve with bread sticks. One of Sir’s favourites!
      Yikes no wonder people aren’t commenting at all – this reply box is a jumbled mess of text all over the place!

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